An introduction to How Not to Open a Bar

We all know someone who’s dream it is to open a bar or restaurant. I used to be one of those people, until I actually managed to own a restaurant of my own. It’s too simple to say the dream turned into a nightmare. Nightmares you can wake up from. My year of owning a restaurant in South London was pretty much a daily living hell, but I did get down to a size 10, so I suppose it wasn’t all bad. Now I think why on earth would anyone ever want to open a bar? I know why, because it’s cool and you can ‘be your own boss’. You can hang out with your friends and hand out the odd free beer. It makes you feel good.

Well, let me tell you, it’s nothing like that. I did it. I thought I was cool. I thought owning a bar would be the coolest thing ever. Turns out I’m not one bit cool and I’m rubbish at running a business. After spending the last ten years licking my wounds and dining out on all the ridiculous stories of things that happened to me during that year I thought I would write about it to help others crazy enough to do it avoid the same mistakes. Some of these stories will make you laugh, some will make you cringe, some will make you visit the Clap Clinic just to be sure, hopefully all of them will tell you ‘How Not to Open a Bar’.

This anecdotal collection of stories from one very failed attempt at opening a bar and restaurant was written to throw some light onto the reality of owning your own place. From the chef who was late to work because she was stabbed to the rocking witchcraft man, the smashed windows, the confidence tricksters, the run ins with criminals and chlamydia riddled staff, this is a humorous look at one person’s attempt to be a restaurant and bar owner.

The author understands that some people are really good at running successful bars and don’t have anywhere near the amount of drama and nonsense that she created and put up with and can go on to make a healthy living out of it. The intention of this book is to amuse, titillate and show you what not to do, not to crush your dreams and send you scuttling back to your safe 9-5 job. If you want to do it, do it, just do it better than Helen Lawson did. That shouldn’t be too difficult.

The plan is actually to release this as a published book, but seeing as it's easier to get chlamydia than it is to get published, I have decided to release a few chapters as a blog. I would love to know what you think of these experiences and stories and please feel free to share this blog with any crazy friends of yours who are currently sitting at a desk daydreaming about one day being the big cheese behind a plank of wood.